Wife refuses to cook dinner for New Year's Eve after he neglected to help at all with Thanksgiving and Christmas, she gives him an ultimatum: 'This kitchen is now CLOSED!'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Dec 31, 2025 8:00 AM EST

This lady's New Year's resolution should be to stop taking her husband's nonsense.

After cooking elaborate meals in their kitchen for the last several holidays, from an over-the-top Thanksgiving meal to a prime rib Christmas dinner, this author was rightfully exhausted by the time New Year's Eve came around. However, for whatever reason, her husband, "Dayton," just assumed that she was ready, willing, and able to do it all over again by herself.

Let this story serve as yet another reminder of what happens when we allow our partners to take more than they are able to give. All this lady asked for after spending hours in the kitchen making their Christmas meal was for Dayton to help out with the cleaning after dinner. Dayton, however, expected his wife to cook and clean, as if a mild display of gratitude was enough to satisfy her obvious frustrations with his lack of effort.

Many of us have been in relationships like this. One act of selfless generosity can accidentally give permission for your partner to expect those same one-sided displays of affection from you all the time. It's obviously not fair. Relationships need to be a two-way street in order for them to work. The various agreements regarding the division of labor made between two partners may look different from couple to couple, but those agreements must be honored. 

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  • To that end, there also needs to be room to amend those agreements, as relationships inevitably evolve. For instance, if one person is expected to cook and clean all the time because their partner has a more demanding work schedule, that could easily change if both partners begin to work more or if a situation arises that makes it difficult for one partner to fulfill their end of the arrangement. That flexibility needs to be allowed, and it can manifest itself on the micro and macro levels.

    That means this can be as serious as a substantial change in the division of labor on a long-term basis or as minor as one person simply not having the bandwidth to cook on New Year's Eve. If this woman's husband is unable to see why she deserves a night off, then he has some serious reflecting to do if he wants to make this marriage last. 

  • "[Am I wrong] because I won't cook New Year's dinner?"

    My husband "Dayton" and I are at odds. We are an older couple, no kids or other family at home besides the cats.
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • Since the start of holiday season, which I count from Thanksgiving (US), I have done all the shopping, planning, cooking, clean-up (prep dishes AND serving dishes) and all the work around every holiday meal. We've
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • been together for almost 30 years, and I've cooked every single holiday meal-- not just Thanksgiving and Christmas, but
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • the summer holidays, too. I put a lot of thought and work into every single meal, and also a lot of LOVE.
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • As anyone who cooks even a simple, basic meal knows-- there's a bit to making a delicious meal, even everyday stuff. Now factor in a full roast turkey dinner
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • with pies from scratch at Thanksgiving. Christmas dinner of prime rib that I am proud to say was cooked to perfection,
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • and was Dayton's request, with all the trimmngs, and apple pie that I made from scratch including the crust. Every holiday,
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • I cook AND clean up. Tonight was his request of vegetable soup made from beautiful beef stock and hand rolled buttermilk biscuits. You get the idea.
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • On Christmas, I asked him to please wash one load of a few dishes. Nothing was really nasty as I had done most of the prep dishes and the roasting pan. He
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • pitched and whined, saying, "I PAID for this food so it's YOUR JOB to do the cooking and to wash the dishes". I had a similar response at Thanksgiving, and again tonight when I asked him nicely to please wash our dinner
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • dishes (again, I did all the cooking dishes, so it was like, 2 bowls, 2 spoons, a knife, maybe a few glasses, and that's it).
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • Then he asked what was for New Years' dinner. I almost lost it. I took a deep breath and said, "You want to know what I'm making for New Years' dinner?
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • I'm making RESERVATIONS." He was like, Aren't you going to cook us a ham and sweet potatoes and greens and blackeye peas like you do every year? I was going to give you the money tomorrow to buy the stuff to cook it.
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • A woman throws vegetable cuttings in a compost bucket in her kitchen.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I said, "So. You want a good meal where all you have to do is pay for it? No dish washing? No table clearing... none of that, someone just cooks it, someone just brings it out to you, and cleans up when you're done and all you have to do is pay for it? Babe, if that's
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • what you want, you just need to go to a restaurant. Tomorrow's New Years' Eve. I suggest that you decide right now where you want to go and make a reservation quickly because this kitchen is now CLOSED.". So now
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • I'm being called the AH because I refuse to cook another meal for quite a while because I'm NOT his personal kitchen staff/waitress/busser/personal chef... and he sure ain't tipping me really well!
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • DustyGate . NTA. You sound like you have reached the end of your patience, and he's wondering why after 30 years you are putting your foot down now. Never too late for him to change. Plus, saying he pays for the food... all your years and years of unpaid labour mean nothing. to him. He's being rude.
    via SomeGalFromTexas
  • Seabrightfan You are absolutely NTA. I would not cook another meal for him until he learned how to support you and share the burden of cleaning up. Honestly, it sounds like he wants servants and not a partner. You deserve better.
    via SomeGalFromTexas

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